He Hates Me But I Don't Care, Really
by Empty With You
Summary: Spike reflects about Angel's feelings towards him and gives up. And Angel happens to be in Sunnydale to check up on him. To find out what happens you have to read! (AngelSpike) COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1

He Hates Me, But I Don't Care... Really  
  
Summary: Spike reflects about Angel's feelings towards him and gives up. And Angel happens to be in Sunnydale to check up on him. Angel/Spike  
  
A/N: All you need to know is that Spike doesn't have any feelings towards Buffy. This is probaly around Season 5 some where, but no big trouble. This fic is just based on Spike and Angel. First two chapters are Spike's thoughts.  
  
a/n- this is my first fic I'm putting up so you all better enjoy and send lots and lots of pretty reviews. Hope you like it. ~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Chapter1  
  
He hates me, I know he does. And it hurts more then any amount of torture. No matter how hard I try to get his approval, he always turns away from. So, I've become quite the actor. Every day I act like it doesn't matter he left so long ago, that I don't care about being so lonely. And I pretend I don't that care that he never wondered if I was okay or not. So he thinks I hate hum in return. This way he can't hurt me, anymore then he already has. And it's fine I swear. I really don't care that the person I love most hates me with everything he is.  
  
I swear it doesn't break my heart to see the coldness in his eyes directed towards me, and knowing that he loves another isn't slowly killing me.  
  
I think I should get a grammy for my performences actually. Everyone knows me as the Big Bad, the bleached vampire who feels nothing for "Peaches". One big lie, it is.  
  
What probaly hurts the most is that he broke our Sire/Childe bond. He hates me so much that he didn't want any connection to me at all. He wouldn't even care if I suddenly just disappeared into dust one day. So I told all his human "friends" that Dru was my Sire, what a laugh. But I didn't want Angel to be embarrissed that he created something so disgusting.  
  
And this is the story of my unlife. He stays far away from me and everyday I sit alone in this cold, dark crypt. And everynight I cry myself to sleep, but no one has to know that.  
  
My name is Spike, and I'm in love with someone who hates. Any suggestions?  
  
TBC ~~~~~~~~~~ 


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2  
  
A/N: Hey, thanks for the reviews. This is my new chapter, be kind and review please. It makes me feel happy. Hope you like.  
  
Spike's POV  
  
Silence... That's all I hear now. That's what happens after being alone for so long. And I've been alone ever since Angelus left so long ago. I spent over a century watching the door, waiting for him to return to me. He won't come back though. I'm not worth it, not to him.  
  
But now I've given up. I've finally given up watching the door. I'm done with waiting for him to run in and tell him how he's sorry and how he loves me. It's always been just a dream. Now I've actually given up on everything, including fighting the good fight. What's the point anyway, when you don't have anything to fight for?  
  
I've even stopped feeding and leaving my crypt all together. I'm slowly fading away into the darkness. And I have officially given up on Angel. I always knew he wouldn't come back, just didn't want to admit it. So, no more trying to get his attention by being what I thought he wanted. When he first turned me I tried to be a good Childe to him. I listened to what he said and followed what he did. But he really didn't pay any attention to me. And I'm not looking for it anymore, his attention that is.  
  
But I didn't just wake up and decide to give up, nope. My Sire was back in Sunnyhell this week and he didn't bother to let me know. I was walking around my cemetery looking for a fight when I saw them. My Sire was holding Buffy like she was the most precious thing in the world. It was just a hug, but it was more affection then he ever showed me. Just when I thought the pain in my unbeating heart couldn't get any worse.  
  
So I walked back to my crypt and I've been here for about a week now, unmoving. Just lying in my bed thinking about everything I've done for him, what else I could have done. No more trying to get his approval, no more acting, and no more pain. Soon the darkness will enclose around me, and I will never have to open my eyes again. See, because I've starved myself this whole week. I didn't have the guts to burn in the sun or stake myself to dust, I was too afraid. So I decided to just let myself fall into the darkness. It's easier this way. I won't have to think about anything anymore. That means no more thoughts about Angel and his hatred. Just black.  
  
It's already getting blurry. And I can feel the darkness starting to close in on me. And I let myself go once and for all. No more annoying vampire to bother anybody anymore. Everybody will be happier once I'm gone.  
  
And now I leave this unlife the way I came in; unwanted and alone.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
TBC  
  
A/N: Please review. In the next chapter it's Angel. 


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Thanks for the reviews. And also, I guess this is like a hibernation sorta thing. It's another death I set up for vampires. Also, if you didn't get it from the first two chapters, this story is going to be Angel/Spike. I guess I should have put up a warning, but I don't like calling it Slash. Now here is the next chapter, it is Angel's POV now. So enjoy.  
  
Chapter 3  
  
Angel's POV  
  
I said I came to Sunnydale to check up on Buffy and her friends, but I really came to make sure my beautiful William was okay. I met Buffy in a graveyard and she gave me a grateful hug. I was going to leave after I saw William, but I didn't want to seem too needy and go straight to his crypt. So I've been staying at a motel so I could head over to the Magic Box easily. I've been looking for William for the last week. But he hasn't shown himself, so I'm taking things into my own hands. I'm heading towards his crypt right now.  
  
I need to talk to him anyway and ask him why he told everyone that Drusilla was his Sire. They were surprised when I laughed in their faces, Dru couldn't even take care of herself. But when Buffy told me that's what William said, I instantly stopped laughing. Why would he lie about that?  
  
This makes me angry, I can't believe him. I'll get an explanation when I get there, I'll make sure. But it breaks my heart to think he is embarrassed to be my Childe. I wish he could be mine again. I miss him, and it pains me to be alone when I could have him in my arms. But that can never happen again, he has moved on. I left him and I don't expect him to forgive me.  
  
I cautiously enter the quiet crypt. It's dark and gloomy. Is this where my Childe lives? I can't believe it, this place is horrible. He should be living somewhere nicer. Everything is old and dusty. And where is all his blood?  
  
As I walked in further I notice a trap door. Hopefully it's better down there then up here. I slowly walked down the steep ladder and turned around. And when I thought I couldn't feel any worse. This place is just as disgusting. I don't care what William says he is coming back to LA with me. I can't believe I let him live in this horrible crypt. I'm so disappointed in myself. I've been a horrible Sire. How am I ever going to get him to forgive me? I'll think of that later, right now I need to find my William.  
  
I can sense him more towards the back. As I walked I spot a bed and William is laying on it. I move towards him and realize something. He is in a hibernation! I look closely, and there aren't any bruises so he hasn't lost blood that way. Which means he hasn't fed. Then I start to panic. I run to his side to check if it's too late, to make sure he hasn't fallen too much into the darkness. I thank the PTB that he hasn't. I'll feed him now, then I'm taking him straight to LA. He isn't staying here another second. Not if I have any say in it.  
  
Since I didn't see any blood upstairs I'll feed him mine. Sire blood is stronger anyway. So I climb in next to him and cradle his head on my lap. I vamp out and rip into my wrist. I can see him react slightly to the scent of blood since he has been deprived for so long. I place my wrist near his mouth and he sucks at the blood hungrily.  
  
I should have come sooner, I could have stopped this. My stubbornness kept me away, and now William is paying for it. But I'll deal with my guilt later. Right now I have to make sure that my beautiful William is alright.  
  
I'm never leaving him again.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
TBC  
  
A/N: Please review, it makes me write faster. Please. 


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4  
  
A/N: Thanks to the people who reviewed. Here's chapter 4. Please review and let me know what you think. I don't wanna be like people who ask for 10 reviews before they update, but I'm not gonna update unless I get at least 3 reviews. Cause that's all I expect anyway. So I hope you guys like this chapter. Enjoy!!  
  
Spike's POV  
  
Nothing... this is what I wanted, right? I was alone already anyway, at least I don't have to see Angel's hatred towards me. This darkness is definitely better.  
  
Wait a second, something is trying to pull me out. No! Stop! I don't want to go back! I can even smell the blood, it's so strong. Don't Drink! But my demon has been deprived from blood for too long, and drinks greedily. Now I'll have to go back. I can feel myself start cry, and I have no control over it. The darkness has cleared away completely even though I still can't get up yet. Now someone is just holding me as I sob. Then I just fall unconscious instead of falling back into the darkness.  
  
~~~~~  
  
Angel's POV  
  
I'm so glad that he is finally eating. Then, when I take my arm away, I can see that he's started crying, but his eyes are still closed. As I hold him close I can't help but wonder what's made my William so upset. When he calms down I note that he's fallen unconscious. I pick him up as gently as I can and carry him all the way to my car. I'll buy him new things in LA. I only make one stop and that's to check out of the hotel and to grab my bags.  
  
I had placed William in the back seat and made sure he was comfortable. As I drive I turn my head to check on him every minute. I'm gonna make sure Williams safe from now on. Something's hurting him, and I'm gonna find out what.  
  
The drive seems longer then usual. I just need to get my Childe to a safe place as soon as possible. When I get to the hotel I take William out and carry him inside. Doyle sees me walk in and looks at me confused.  
  
"Who's that?" he said indicating the small man in my arms.  
  
"I'll explain everything later. Right now I need to get him to bed and feed him properly," I explain. He nods his head and goes up the stairs to open my door.  
  
Doyle even helps me to get William under the covers. Then he looks at me questioningly as I sit on the edge of the bed.  
  
"This is my Childe, William," I explain as I start to stroke William's hair.  
  
Doyle nods then asks, "What happened to him?"  
  
I can feel a frown form on my face, "He hasn't been feeding and went into a vampire hibernation, but instead of healing he was being dragged into the shadows. Where you become nothing."  
  
Doyle looks thoughtfully at my William before saying, "Why hasn't he fed?"  
  
My frown becomes even deeper as I answer, "A military, called the Initiative, put a chip in his head. It prevents him from hurting humans. Therefore he can't feed or defend himself from humans."  
  
"Must be tough," Doyle commented. He left to get some blood after that. Guess he doesn't know what to say. I mean what do you say when a vampire's Childe can't defend himself? I guess it doesn't matter much, but I wish I had been there to watch the Initiative go down. I would have made them pay for what they've done to my William.  
  
I gently brush a piece of hair out of his face. How anyone can even think of harming such a beautiful being is beyond me. He always had more humanity then any other vampire. He was always different. And that's why I love him so much. That thought makes me sigh. Because William will never love me again. William hates me. I've caused him too much pain, I hurt him too often.  
  
After I finish feeding my Childe I gently slide under the covers and hold him. Because this is probably the only time I'll ever get to hold him like this. And I let myself fall asleep surrounded by only William.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
TBC  
  
A/N: Hope you liked. Please review now. Please. Also, I added in Doyle because I love him. hehe. 


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5  
  
A/N: Thanks to the two people who reviewed. Which was Tiger Tiger2 and RougeSpike. Thanks.  
  
Here is my next chapter, Spike and Angel finally talk. You'll see; enjoy.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Spike's POV  
  
I finally wake up and realize two things. First, that I'm in a nice comfortable bed. Which is not mine, because mine is lumpy. And second, the fact that I'm surrounded by a body and the scent of my Sire. As I turn over I can actually see him. I guess I really didn't wake up, I'm having my dreams again. Because Angel would never actually hold me like this. So I snuggle even deeper into his embrace. Damn, I wish this was real. I'd do anything for just a crumb of affection from this man.  
  
There's something odd about this dream though. Usually he is awake and telling me how much he loves me, but he is sleeping now. Also, everything feels too real to be a dream. And I still don't know who dragged me from the darkness.  
  
And that's when my mind put the pieces together. This isn't a dream, it's real. And Angel was the one who pulled me out. But why? Was it his soul? Would he have felt bad to just let me fall? Or does he hate me so much that he wants to finish the job himself? Still doesn't explain why he is holding me. Unless, he just wants to make me feel safe and cared for so he can take it all away. Yeah, that would hurt more tan him just killing me. I don't think I'll be able to handle that.  
  
I take one more look at his peaceful face before I roll away. The longer I stay in his arms, the more he can hurt me. So, without looking back, I get up to look for my duster. I still feel a little lightheaded from not feeding, but I don't care. I think I could even go outside and face the sun. Hell is nothing compared to the pain Angel is putting me through.  
  
Now I can't even leave. Angel just woke up.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Angel POV  
  
I'm awoken by a slight movement in the bed. I look down to see William moving closer to me. I know he is awake, but I want to see how he reacts first. He just kind of lays here for a while. He seems to just be thinking about something until he rolls away. I watch as he stays there. Then he gets up and starts looking for something. I suppose he is looking his prized duster. When he stops, I realize that he knows that I'm not sleeping. Now I have to figure out what to say to him.  
  
"You planning on going back to Sunnydale to starve again. Because you can stay here; I have extra blood," I tell him. And I really hope he stays.  
  
But he shakes his head and says without facing me, "Nah, thought I'd try the sun this time. Or maybe you wanted to do the honors."  
  
I'm so surprised by this. I didn't know it was a suicide attempt. Now my goal is to make sure that he doesn't succeed in killing himself. I'm gonna find out why he wanted to just fade away in the first place.  
  
I sit up and walk next to him, but he doesn't look at me, "So you were planning on killing yourself?"  
  
When he doesn't look towards me I already know the answer. "Do you mind telling me why?"  
  
"Yes, I do mind," he replied distantly. So this is how it's going to be? Fine.  
  
"Why do you mind?"  
  
"Because it's none of your business. It stopped being your business the moment you left," he responds angrily.  
  
It didn't take a genius to figure out what he was talking about. I can't but wonder if that has anything to do with this. I wish he'd just tell me.  
  
"How can I make it up to you?" I asked. I know that it won't be easy, but I'm willing to try. It'll also be hard to live with him and not be able to touch him, but I'll do it for my William.  
  
He turns to me with an expression which is unreadable and says, "What are you playing at?"  
  
I stare for a second, "Wha..."  
  
"You come to my crypt and save me from starving myself. Then when I wake up your holding me. But I know you hate me, so what are you trying to prove? Was it your soul that made you feel bad for me? Or did you just want to torture me more? Maybe you just wanted to see me die yourself. You know, to make sure that your embarrassing Childe was gone for good? What is it?! What do you want from me?!" he ranted.  
  
I had no idea he thought all this. I really care about him, but how can I tell him without getting each other hurt again.  
  
What's a vampire to do?  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
TBC  
  
A/N: Hope you liked. Please review. 


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6  
  
A/N: Sorry it took so long for me to update. I've been busy with Midterms and Regents, and I had a lot of Art homework to catch up on. So I'm really really sorry. But to make it up to you this chapter is my longest yet. Yay!! Hope you enjoy!  
  
IMPORTANT: This chapter starts again when Angel wakes up, except this is in Spike's POV. I wanted you to get what Spike was thinking. So if you see that the scene is repeated, that's why. And I didn't rewrite Spike's tiny speech from the last chapter. But it's implied where he says it. So Read now and Enjoy!!!  
  
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*  
  
Spike's POV  
  
I can feel his hateful eyes on my back as he speaks, "You planning on going back to Sunnydale to starve again. Because you can stay here; I have extra blood."  
  
For a second I swear I heard hope in his voice, but I will not fool myself. That was pity I heard; he feels bad for me. Him and his stupid soul. And I try hard not to turn around to see his face after I tell him I'm going to try the sun this time. His face will change from surprise into a grateful smile that he'll try to hide. But he is fooling himself because I don't even have to look at him to know it's there.  
  
He then stands up to walk next to me, and I try not to look at his face. It'll only make it harder. Then Angel asks a stupid question, "So you were planning on killing yourself?" I guess he just wants to make sure. So I don't satisfy him with the answer, it'll only make him happy.  
  
"Do you mind telling me why?" he asks. It's not like he cares anyway. So I tell him I do mind.  
  
"Can I ask why?" Why won't he just let me leave? He doesn't care about me. So why is he pretending? Maybe it makes him feel better about himself.  
  
So I answer him, "Because it's none of your business. It stopped being your business as soon as you left." I shouldn't have said that. Now he'll find out the real truth. But it's true, no matter how much I wish I belonged to him. That's never going to happen though.  
  
His next question only serves to increase my hurt and anger, "How can I make it up to you?" Well, you could love me back and be with me forever. But since you can't, there's nothing you can do to make it better. So I let my curiosity get the better of me. I mean, what is he doing anyway? What game is he playing?  
  
So I turn to him and ask, "What are you playing at?"  
  
It was a mistake to turn around, because now I can see those eyes of his. He just stares for a second, he seems confused. Did I mention he is a good actor too? Like now, how he pretends to not know what I'm talking about. So I spell it out for him. I actually yell it out for him. I actually yelled it out for him. Now he looks even more surprised. He seems to be an even better actor than me.  
  
He is still trying to make up something to say that won't sound like he hates me. You see Angel, that's impossible. Because no matter what you say or do, I'll always be able to see the hate in your eyes.  
  
I'm going to speak first, I won't give him the chance to hurt me. "Cat got your tongue, Peaches?"  
  
He then grabs me by the shoulders and pushes me towards the wall. "Why do you want to die?" he asked forcefully. His eyes are bleeding into mine and I can't take it. Their so intense, I have to look away. But he forces me to keep eye contact with his burning gaze.  
  
Since I'm going to kill myself anyway, I might as well tell him the truth. I mean, I've already hit rock bottom. What could be worse?  
  
So I harden my gaze and stare right back as I growl, "You."  
  
And there it is again, that surprised look. He is confused and he hates it.  
  
His grip loosens on my shoulders as he asks, "What did I do?"  
  
I growl at his stupidity. I push him off of me and hiss, "You've done everything and yet nothing at all."  
  
And it's true. I'm telling him everything he has and hasn't done, whether he wants to hear it or not.  
  
"Explain it to me, because I still don't get it," he says.  
  
No, he doesn't get it at all. Well, I'm about to explain it to him. You better listen Angel, cause I'm only gonna say this once.  
  
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*  
  
Angel's POV  
  
I stand there dumbfounded. He saves me from trying to speak when he asks, "Cat got your tongue, Peaches?"  
  
It doesn't help though. He can't hide that he was trying to turn the tables on me. And I won't let him. I said I'd find out and I will, even if I have to force it out of him.  
  
Then I lose it, I grab his shoulders and trap him between me and the wall. "Why do you want to die?" My now golden eyes burn into his slightly widened blue ones. And I silently force him to answer. But what he says surprises me the most.  
  
He hardens his gaze and growls out, "You."  
  
What? I don't understand. I've barely seen my Childe, what have I done recently that could have caused William to starve himself.  
  
"What did I do?" I ask.  
  
He growls at me, then pushes me off. And the words he forces out don't help me any. "You've done everything and yet nothing at all."  
  
I'm beginning to lose me patience again, so I tell him to explain it. Now it looks like he is about to say something really important. In other words, I better listen or I'm gonna miss the little details.  
  
He takes a deep breathe and stares at me intently. "Lets start at the beginning, shall we. First off, remember how you promised you'd never leave me. Broke that didn't you? Then, for over a century, you did nothing at all. But you didn't have to. Everything you did broke my heart. I knew you'd never care for me, but I never knew you thought of me so poorly."  
  
I'm about to interrupt until he broke out into hysterics, "No! You're not allowed to talk! You broke our bond because you couldn't stay connected to something so disgusting. For a century I watched the door, waiting for you to come back. But you never did. Everything I did was for you, I just wanted to make you proud. But it didn't matter, because I'll always be a disappointment to you. Then, when I needed you the most you didn't come. Because you never wanted to. I was all alone, and no one cared. I couldn't defend myself from humans. Even when they were the ones who beat me and stole any money I had. The only thing you saw was a soulless monster getting what he deserved." He stopped to calm himself down.  
  
All I could do was stare and wait for him to finish. Because I hurt him worse then I can even imagine.  
  
"I wanted to starve myself because you hate me. I saw you with Buffy in the graveyard and I just broke down. And I just wanted to die. You'll never love me like you love her. You'll never love me at all, for that matter. All I ever did was love you. And it broke my heart to know all I could do was dream," he finished quietly.  
  
By the end of his speech, he'd broken down into tears. All I could think about was that he loves me. My William loves me! But he doesn't know I feel the same way.  
  
I try to walk towards him to comfort him, but he takes a step back. "No! No! Don't pretend to care!" he yells while he tries to wipe away his river of tears.  
  
He needs to know the truth, that I love him too. I'm gonna need to explain it to him. But he'll have to listen. And from the looks of it, he doesn't seem to want to hear anything I have to say.  
  
This is gonna take a while.  
  
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*  
  
TBC  
  
A/N: Hoped you liked it. Leave reviews so I know people are still reading this. Bye!! 


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7  
  
A/N: I'm really sorry this took me so long to get done. And it's still a short chapter, but I tried to get something out at least. The next chapter will be longer, but I'm suffering from writers block. So please forgive me for how long it took me to write this. I hope it goods. I was trying to get both their feelings across.  
  
Tiger Tiger2: You just helped me accomplish my goal, which was to make someone cry (or at least want to) I'm so happy this makes you sad; that sounded weird. Don't worry Angel will try his best. =) I hope you like this chapter too, sorry for the delay.  
  
SexySpike: I'm really sorry this took so long, I did try to write faster though due to your second review. Thanks for you reviews, and I'm glad you like this. And I'll try to write faster in the future. Blame it on writers block and my wondering ideas.  
  
Jude: One of the better ones you've read huh? LoL, thank you. I'm glad you like it. Hope you like this chapter too.  
  
Vy: Guess it is tough shit for Angel. He has his work cut out for him. Sorry it took me so long to update.  
  
Sandi: I'm glad you love my story. Makes me happy, lol. You'll have to keep reading to see what happens.  
  
Nyaru: I'm glad you're reading =) I hope you like this chapter and you continue reading.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Spike's POV  
  
I can't believe I just told him all that. I have to get out of here before he says anything. I don't think I can handle him saying he doesn't love me out loud. My broken heart already knows it to be true, but hearing those words from his mouth could kill me.  
  
I want to run, as fast as I can, right into the burning rays of the sun. But all my energy has drained from me. I can't even hold myself up anymore at the moment. So I grabbed the wall for support, and I end up leaning against it as I slide down to the floor. My body is shaking with sobs now, I can't hold back any of my tears anymore. Maybe Angel will pity me and just leave me alone. Or maybe he'll use this against me to cause my heart even more pain.  
  
I draw my knees up to my chest and lay my head on them. I don't want to see Angel and his hateful eyes on me. But even though I'm not looking at him, I can feel as he walks over and kneels next to me.  
  
"I didn't know you thought all that," Angel whispered calmly. He is dragging this out, I know it. He wants to hurt me as much he can while still sounding like he cares. But I'm smarter then that, I know what he feels for me... nothing.  
  
"Just leave me alone, please," I beg him without meeting his gaze.  
  
"I can't leave you, not while you think I hate you," he said. His statement surprised me, but not too much... I know when he's lying to me. I don't even have to look into his eyes this time to know that the hate is there.  
  
I shake my head slightly, a way of telling him that I don't believe his words. "Will you give me a chance to explain myself?" he asks gently, his hand now resting on my shoulder. But I still refuse to look up at him. Why can't he just leave me alone?  
  
"I don't want to hear it," I hiss, with all the energy I have; which isn't a lot. "Just, please don't; don't say it," I beg him as I finally lift my pleading gaze to meet his.  
  
"Say what?" he asks me, holding my gaze the entire time. And for once, I can't tell what I see there.  
  
A shaky breathe falls from my lips as I open them to speak, "Don't tell that you hate me, I wouldn't be able to handle it. I don't want to hear it; please."  
  
My pleading sounds pathetic to my own hears, but I can't help it. I don't care if I do sound like a child to him at the moment. My heart is broken, shattered, and crushed into pieces that can't be put back together again. There really is nothing more he can do to it; unless he says those words out loud.  
  
"Hear me out William," he says, his voice still remains calm.  
  
There isn't much to lose, I guess. Maybe he pities me and he won't say it. I hope that it's true, but probably not.  
  
A sigh leaves my lips as I nod my head. I'll listen to him, and hear what he wants to say; even if it kills me.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Angel's POV  
  
I can't stand it; my William is upset and there is so little I can do about it. I've broken his heart without knowing. How could I hurt him like this? I can barely look at him now, as he slides to the floor. I don't know what to say; I don't know what to do. I can see the pain in his eyes before he lowers his head into his lap. My legs finally start to move closer to him; albeit slowly. I've made my decision with what I'm going to do. My William needs me and my love; and I have to give that to him. But I have to stay calm; for him.  
  
It felt like time went by slowly as I made my way to my William and kneeled down next to him. He won't look at me, but I can feel his fear seeped off of him in waves. He is afraid of me, and I have to fight off the urge to take him in my arms to comfort him.  
  
"I didn't know you thought all that," I whisper, trying to remain calm. He doesn't need me to break down too. What he needs to know right now, is that I'm here for him and I won't hurt him.  
  
William begs me to leave him alone, but I can't do that. I have to be with him, to explain my feelings to him. I continue by telling him that I can't leave him thinking that I hate him; because I don't and I never could. Not my William; my heart.  
  
He shakes his head, without even meeting my gaze. My next words are spoken gently as I rest my hand on his shoulder. The fact that he doesn't flinch away from my touch brings me the tiniest bit of joy.  
  
"I don't want to hear it," he tells me weakly. He then raises a pleading gaze to me, and I can clearly see all of his pain and his fear. "Just, please don't; don't say it," he begs me. I don't understand though. What does he expect me to say?  
  
"Say what?" I ask him as I fight to hold his gaze. I try to block out the fear that I know is in my own eyes. I'm afraid to lose him; I almost did tonight.  
  
He lets out a shaky breathe before he admits what he is afraid of. He fears that I will tell him that I hate him. He tells me he won't be able to handle it. His words break my unbeating heart. My William is afraid of me and my words. My poor William; I love him so much. I wish I could go back and change the way I treated him, the way I left him. But I can't, so I better start making it up to him.  
  
"Hear me out William," I say as calmly as I can, while my emotions start to bottle up due to his confession.  
  
I'm so grateful as he nods his head. I can make it up to him; he has given me another chance. I have a chance to explain myself to my beautiful William, my Childe, my life, and my heart.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
TBC  
  
A/N: Hope you guys liked this chapter. Hopefully you guys will forgive me for the delay with this update and the fact that it's short. Next chapter will be longer and updated ASAP. Please review =) 


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8  
  
A/N: I apologize for the wait again. But I had a hard time trying to fix Angel's words and making them sound right. I also really didn't want to end this. But I worked hard on this chapter, and spent all weekend trying to perfect it. So I hope my faithful readers and reviewers will enjoy it. And to all my reviewers:  
  
_Babe_- I love angsty stories too, their my fave. I have an evil mind, lol. Hope you like this chapter too.  
  
_Tiger Tiger2_- Sorry for the delay again. Glad it gave you time for your own fic though, smiles Yes, you helped me accomplish a big goal, making someone cry was my whole purpose in writing this story. So thank you. Cliffys are fun, but here's the conclusion. Hope you like.  
  
_SexySpike_- I'm glad you like this story! I love all of your stories!! Here's that ending you were hoping for.  
  
_persistence of memory_- Another reviewer who helped me accomplish my goal, making people cry... yay!! And love me forever now cause here is the update.  
  
_JacksApprentice_- You are definitely one of my weirder reviewers, but all of the reviews you wrote were pretty humorous to read. Sorry you don't really like slash, your missing out. But a fellow Spike lover is always awesome. LoL.

__

_Spike's POV  
_  
Why won't he just let me look away? I really don't want to look at him as he talks. But he has his hand placed on my chin, holding it in place. And his intense eyes are gripping at my own, keeping them from shifting away.  
  
I can tell that what he has to say, will change everything.

__

_Normal POV_  
  
Angel looked deep into Spike's fearful orbs as he began to speak softly to him.  
  
"William," Angel sighed, "so much has happened between us in the past. Trusts have been broken and hearts were broken too." He raised his hand as Spike tried to protest.  
  
"I want you to know that I never hated you. I never saw a soulless monster, because you never needed a soul to begin with. With your unlife, you brought over most of your humanity. You were so kind and beautiful, and did any I told you to do. You always made me so proud, all you had to do you smile at me. You could never disappoint me, never. I wish I had come to you sooner, but I thought I was the last person in the world you wanted to see.  
  
"I know I don't deserve your forgiveness, but I am sorry. I left you because I was scared. I had been afraid you would reject me with the soul, I thought you would hate me. I made a mistake so long ago, but I did what I thought was best for you," Angel paused and hesitated before finishing, "I left because I love you."  
  
By now Spike's eyes were filled with unshed tears, his eyes full of doubt. "Please don't lie to me, my heart can't take it anymore," he pleaded.  
  
Angel gripped Spike's hands in his own. "I would not lie to you, not about this. I've loved you since I first laid eyes on you. You've always been on my mind. However, I never let myself believe you felt the same. I was afraid you would not my feelings. But you do, and I couldn't be happier. We have a chance to be happy again, together. I never meant to hurt you, and I'll never forgive myself for it. All I want is to feel you in my arms again, with that beautiful smile gracing your lips again," Angel finished gently, unshed tears also forming in his eyes now.  
  
He gently placed his hand on Spike's delicate cheek, his thumb massaging the pale skin there. Spike whimpered softly, as he leaned into that wonderful hand.  
  
"I love you. I will never leave you again, I will stay by your side forever this time," Angel vowed, his own voice sounding shaky.  
  
Spike's blue eyes were still filled with doubt. Angel's words sounded sincere, but he was still afraid. He was afraid Angel would break his heart again, and leave without a second thought. He was afraid Angel was just playing him again, and was lying to his face. But Spike needed Angel, he needed to be with him again. He needed to feel protected in Angel's arms, to be able to see his Sire's face every night and every morning. Spike's eyes searched for the truth behind Angel's word in his eyes.  
  
William understood what Angel meant now, and knew what he had to do.  
  
"You promise?" he asked.  
  
Angel couldn't hold in the smile forming on his lips even if he tried. "I promise," Angel said sincerely, as he wiped William's tear stained face. They both leaned in slightly until their lips met in a soft and loving kiss. The kiss was slow and searching; they were relearning every detail of the other's mouth. Angel's tongue massaged every contour of William's mouth, his William. A low moan escaped from his lips, which Angel eagerly swallowed.  
  
After a while they reluctantly pulled back, with Angel's hands softly running through William's hair. "Come on," Angel whispered, "lets get some rest, you've had an eventful day."  
  
William nodded numbly, not believing that this was really happening. Angel had said he loved him, and had kissed him. This was either a dream come true, or just another fantasy.  
  
Angel lifted his William into his arms and carried his precious cargo to the bed. He laid William carefully unto the bed, before gently spooning in behind him.  
  
"I love you," Angel whispered. With his arms protectively around his love's waste, Angel fell into a peaceful sleep.  
  
Angel and William finally had the chance for love again.

End  
  
A/N: I was actually pleased with how this chapter worked out. So I hope you all enjoyed it. And please review. I already started to write the Epilogue, which I should finish soon, I just need to figure out how I'm going to format it. Please review guys!!!


	9. Epilogue

Epilogue  
  
A/N: Here is the last chapter. It's been a really great story to write, I'll miss it. I worked hard on this epilogue, so I hope you all enjoy it. Here it is.

* * *

_Normal POV_  
  
Angel led his beautiful William to a lovely spot on the beach. They laid there, with William in Angel's arms. Their smiles were plastered to their faces, as they stared lovingly into each other's eyes.  
  
They have spent every second together since Angel found William starved in that crypt. They had even re-bonded themselves. Their Sire/Childe bond was back, full force. Now they never spend a moment apart. Angel had promised to never leave again, and he didn't plan to.  
  
Their insecurities had forced them apart. Both had been afraid of a broken heart and for unreturned feelings.  
  
It had been merely by chance that Angel had went looking for his Childe that day. It was only by chance that he had found William before it had been too late. However, Angel would forever be thankful for that chance. Angel couldn't even think about what he would have done if his William had died. Death probably would have come to claim him as well. That small chance had saved them both.  
  
Angel smiled down at his William, before placing a chaste kiss upon his head. William smiled and snuggled deeper into his Sire's embrace.  
  
William was the most beautiful being Angel had ever laid eyes on. He loved everything about William; he loved the insecurities, the nervous and shy personality. He also loved those mesmerizing blue eyes, those twin cheekbones, and even that bleached hair. William was Angel's heaven, and could never be replaced.  
  
As for William, he had found love in Angel's arms. Angel protected him, held him, and loved him. William loved every detail of Angel, even including Angel's obsession with his hair. However, William would always be afraid of not being good enough, no matter how many times Angel swore that he was beautiful. He would always get that nagging feeling that Angel had only settled with him. Angel's words of love always proved to reassure William that he was loved, and that's all that mattered.  
  
Neither Angel nor William could think of any other place they'd rather be.

* * *

_Outside POV_  
  
The stars sparkled and shined in the night sky, watching over the two lovers together on the beach. Happiness and love radiated from both of the figures.  
  
Gentle words of love and promises were spoken. Soft touches and loving kisses were shared. True smiles were gracing the pair of lips.  
  
Any pain that had been present in those blue eyes before, was long gone. The beautiful orbs only held happiness and love now.  
  
A protective arm held tightly around a slim waste, with a silent promise to never let go again.  
  
The lovers had a chance now, a future together. There was nothing that could ever forge a dent in their love again.

* * *

_Angel and William's POV_  
  
I love him, he loves me. And I've never been happier.  
  
_**THE END**_

* * *

_A/N:_ Thank you all for staying with this story and reviewing, I really appreciate it. You all kept me writing, and you kept my spirits lifted. I hope you all enjoyed this story. One reviewer asked me for a sequel. And if everybody else wants one, I'll be more than happy to write it. Any ideas are welcomed. I might continue with them in LA, maybe go to Sunnydale, and I may play on Spike's insecurities. Whatever you guys like best, just let me know. So, thank you all again for staying with this story. It was my first slash I started, and the first slash story I've finished. Thank you all!!!  
  
**To my faithful reviewers:  
**  
_Tiger Tiger2-_ Your definitely one of my reviewers who has been reviewing since the beginning, so thank you so much. You were always helpful to get me writing again when I had trouble with writer's block. So Thank you. I really hope you enjoyed reading this story as much as I enjoyed writing it. And the ending if Angel really upset me, I really wish it could have continued I want to know what happens. I'll miss it too.  
  
_persistence of memory-_ I'm so glad you love this story blushes And I thank you for all of your reviews. I hope you like this epilogue!! And I read your stories, Lost Champions, and I loved them!! You're a really great writer.  
  
_SexySpike-_ Yes, I'll always write a happy ending!! I'm glad you liked this story and I hope you like this epilogue too. All of your reviews were appreciated and I thank you for staying with this story.  
  
_mimifoxlove-_ I'm really glad you thought this story was sweet. I love Sire/Childe stories too!! As for a sequel, if enough people want one I'll write it. Thank you for the review, I hope you liked the epilogue.  
  
A/N: Thank you all so much!! For my reviewers and to people who kept reading!!


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